This month has been an emotional rollercoaster. One day, filled with ecstasy, joy and positive energy; the next weeping uncontrollably for no apparent reason. Sound familiar? We are all deeply affected by astrology, whether we know it or not. In the space of one month, we have encountered two lunar eclipses and one solar eclipse:
- June 5 – Penumbral Lunar Eclipse in Sagittarius
- June 21 – Annular Solar Eclipse in Cancer
- July 5 – Penumbral Lunar Eclipse in Capricorn
Now, I am no astrologer. I do not (yet) know much of that ancient science that reads the maps of the sky and translates that into what portends for human lives. However, what I can do, and have been doing for a few years now, is to observe my own self and being, through its emotions, shifts, and transformations – and to note patterns with the moon cycles and other astrological occurrences. It has been an intriguing journey, which I will share more about another day.
As for this last month, my worldy experience in short: The build up to this period entailed worried and stressed energies in my household, as my grandfather took ill and was admitted to hospital, each day a new organ failing. Eventually, the doctor told us to say our goodbyes. A tearful family video allowed his wife (my grandmother) and his children (two far away in Canada) to give their final blessings and chant shaky prayers to release his soul. On June 7, two days after the full moon and first eclipse of this period, he departed his human body at the age of 88. Then followed a difficult period in this household and family unit as my mum and grandma went into deep grieving, but at the same time had to organise processes including the funeral, and other technicalities that must be sorted when a head of household dies. Now, the grieving continues while we all try to adjust to a new normal.
On a personal level, I had instinctively withdrawn into myself a few days prior to the June 5 eclipse, excusing myself from public responsibilities and duties for a few weeks (including an online meditation course I was holding, and a YouTube backpacking show). The processes of illness, death, morgue, funeral, and grieving were a blur of withdrawal, introversion, and confused emotions rearing their heads sporadically. I took refuge, characteristically, in my diary. On the day of the new moon and solar eclipse, I could not bring myself to interact with anyone, nor join any of the groups meeting virtually for meditation, chanting or ritual. I locked myself in my room and cleaned and cleaned – getting through messes I had procrastinated dealing with for months. The night before, I had experienced blinding flashes of light when trying to sleep, and in the morning during meditation had felt sharp heat slowly traveling up my spine.
Since the solar eclipse (June 21), I have been up and down and left and right and inside-out. Each day is different. I went from feeling grateful and in tune with divinity, to awakening new shamanic expression within myself, to a rising sadness that culminated in 24 hours of crying and deep soul release (probably involved ancestral healing too). Next followed a day of feeling extremely unsettled and uncomfortable in my skin that culminated in strong dissociation from the ego. After that, two days of joy, ecstasy and lightness. As for today’s diary entry:
“I swear anicca (impermanence, one of the three truths of existance according to Buddhism) is so real. And I feel very helpless in what The Gods of Anicca (tongue in cheek) have in store me me the next day. They (Gandhi) say that each night you die and each morning you are reborn – thus you create your new state of being each day. But often I feel it is beyond our control. Our environment affects us, astrology affects us, surprise moods affect us, events affect us… We are like tiny boats tossing in the capricious storms of the deep seas, helplessly victim to their whims. Just today I have experienced extremes of joy, worry, calm and anger.”
On the global level, this period of eclipses came with worldwide uprisings following the killing of African American George Floyd, who was suffocated to death by white police officer Derek Chauvin who kneeled on his neck as George begged for his life “Please, I can’t breathe!” The global furore has led to the start of what I hope will be irreversible changes in the unjust structure of the world, accompanied by a rise in consciousness and awareness, even as the transition has been painful for many – especially those who have suffered for generations.
It is now 5 days to the final eclipse of this month that has been packed with astrological upheaval, also marking the dramatic finale of the two-year eclipse series on the Cancer-Capricorn axis that began in July 2018, that has indeed shifted our perceptions of safety and authority. We will now move into the next karmic period and series of eclipses on the Gemini-Sagittarius axis, likely a period of curiosity and adventure. (reference and more astrological deets here)
I just wanted to share all this to let you know that you are not going crazy. This rollercoaster of a month has been a period of transition, and a deep soul release on the level of the entire earth. Allow those feelings to wash over you, feel through each emotion and change, and trust. Trust that the processes bring us to healing, to deeper wisdom, and eventually to spiritual bliss – if we allow them to. Do what your inner voice tells you that you need – be it daily meditations, time in the trees, music and dance, nurturing with a lover, or time alone. Personally I have been waking up at 3am for wild woman dance and sitting in silence with my soul and the universe.
You are not alone. Remember anicca (impermanence). All will be well. And no matter what you are feeling right now, that is ok too – all is well. Sending you loving embraces from the core of my heart.